(revised)
Cleaning
your messy room is easy if you follow these steps. Before starting your work,
you can prepare some bottles of fruit juice or isotonic drink. First of all, you
should turn on music to make your work become more fun. Second, you can take
all of the misplace things in your messy room. Third, take all of the rubbish
and the broken things out of your room. Then, take your broom and start to
sweep the floor. Last step, use a vacuum cleaner machine to help you to clean
the dust on the sofa or on the carpet. Maybe, you will feel dehydrate after
cleaning your messy room. So, you can drink a bottle of fruit juice or an isotonic
drink to refresh your body after cleaning your messy room.
Dear Yanti, after I read your paragraph I think your paragraph is very good. Your paragraph is already look like the model on page 4. The paragraph begins with a topic sentence. The topic sentence is “cleaning your messy room” and the he controlling idea is “follow these steps”. In your paragraph there are times order in the steps, for example she uses first, second, third, then, last step. The capital letters and the spelling are good. In my opinion, in the last sentence, you can change the sentence become “Maybe, you will feel dehydrate after cleaning your messy room, so you can drink a cold juice or an isotonic drink to refresh your body. The last is about your sentences structure is almost good.
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment Osin. You are correct, there is an inappropriate word in my last sentence. I already revised it Osin.
DeleteThank you <3
Thanks for your comment Osin. You are correct, there is an inappropriate word in my last sentence. I already revised it Osin.
DeleteThank you <3